thoughts on japan, the universe and meaning

i've been reading Sophie's World, the supposedly children's book that mixes philosophy 101 with a cheesy YET entertaining twist that I won't ruin for you, and thinking about, well, existence.

i guess i've been doing that a lot lately--people have been telling me that i "have an old soul," that i am "really mature for [my] age," and things like that...which makes one wonder what an "old soul" is and how mature are 23 year olds supposed to be? i think that people often mix "maturity" and "composure" and I can be fairly composed when i'm not lubricated and lurching around the dance floor.

so i guess this leads me to my latest introspections: art in japan, life in japan, life, what's next for me, and why the human mind is not very trustworthy...


Art in Japan is not for the masses. Only someone in the upper tax brackets can afford more than 4 concerts or shows a month when each show costs between 3500 and 10000 yen (30-90$~). I think there's something inherently wrong with an art scene that is as distanced from the streets, the students and the reality of Japanese life. I went to a show recently, I saw Drift a performance piece by the guitarist from Sonic Youth, and was surrounded by people far too clean and well dressed--not that it is wrong to be wealthy, but for me, there is something unreal and everytime i see an "art student" wearing 1000$ jeans I..well..it's a splash of cold water.

I guess this is me missing the free shows, the "first friday" art walk (with free food and wine), the 5 dollar concerts.... I went to "Jazz Night" at the Warehouse about once a month in college, but I stopped going--tests and things got the better of me--and when I went back I noticed a change...they'd started charging people to enter and suddenly there were a lot more white people---young, affable, beer swigging dudes and their pretty girlfriends... Again, there's nothing wrong with this, but it seems the saddest form of evolution...when the bohemian is overtaken by the suburban.

I'd summarize my life in Japan as "all right." I came expecting more, but I make do with what I have been given.

What's next? This is the question that keeps popping up: when i'm waiting in line for the stairs at the train station, when i'm stepping around pools of vomit on my way home from work, when I get excited about another great concert only to realize that it's far too expensive for me to go, when I realize that I can never be invisible here... I've taken the Graduate Requirement Examination (GRE) and I did well on the Verbal, mediocre on the Math, and so-so on the written section (do to a total melt down on one of the two parts)... I believe I can get into a good program, but I don't know what to study. Psychology would mean 6 more years of school and I'd want to be a therapist at least part of the time but isn't that job horrifying, to never know if you're doing the right thing until you've been helping someone for 4 years and they're no better and besides who really wants to listen to people talk about their problems for their living.. Education would be 2 more years and then I could be an English teacher which could be fun, if i could teach literature or something like that...but the thought of teaching the underachievers of the world.... Film school would be fantastic but who has that kind of money and besides wouldn't it be just as risky afterwards as if i hadn't gone to school but instead just went to LA and started hanging out around the studios? or what about just going home and looking for a job?

The perfect job for me is: goal oriented, social, problem solving, artsy, creative, and kinetic. I want a job that will excite me and that I can get BETTER at...maybe teaching isn't competitive enough...Psychology isn't artsy nor are the goals delineated enough.... The perfect job for me would be to work in a community center of some sort, planning cultural events.... organizing... what do you study for that?

I'd like to study more about psychology, philosophy, and the physical world as well but perhaps all that can just be for fun, instead of a career. I would like to know what the newest philosophers are saying--is there such a thing as a philosophical SCENE, now? I'm sure that there is, but everything I've seen so far ignores the latest scientific research and, thus, is ignorable. What can any philosophy be that ignores a few BIG points about the brain, for example: Blakemore and Cooper did a study that is commonly refered to as the "carousel" study that suggests that our visual system has a period in which it develops and if this development is hindered then, after this period, certain things may never be visible (in the study cats were only allowed to see horizontal or vertical lines--after puberty the cats were released and their visual cortexs never fully developed after that--they never gained the ability to see anything not oriented in that fashion). To take one of the most famous philosophical illustrations, the Cave, and break it you must simply read a bit of developmental psychology work. If a man were to live in a cave and, miraculously, escape to the outside--he would probably not be able to "see" much of anything. Anyway...that's one of the things I've been thinking about..

I've been listening to:
The Band--the Big Pink, Of Montreal--Hissing Fauna.., the Beach Boys--Pet Sounds, Lo-Fi-Fnk--Boylife, Panda Bear--Person Pitch, The Changes--Today is Tonight, Junior Boys--So This is Goodbye, Nick Drake--Bryter Layter, The Zombies--Odessey and Oracle, Air--Latenighttales

I've been reading:
Sophie's World, The Big Sleep, Norton Anthology of Short Stories

I've been eating:
Pasta, Sushi, Soba, and chocolate (which is rare for me, but it's tasted good lately)

I've been missing:
the freedom to be dirty, poor and STILL social

let me end with SOMETHING positive:
i stayed after school for an hour today and walked into a bunch of the school clubs--I saw a "mini concert" by the brass band who is so much better than any American Middle School band that i've ever seen, I hung out with the art club where one girl was so shy she couldn't stop giggling and blushing and she eventually had to hide under one of the tables until I walked to the otherside of the room. THAT's something I doubt I'll get when I go home--instant celebrity status....anyway.... i hope things are well over on your side of the world